I’ve asked some of my favorite creative mamas to help out while I’m away with our new baby. Today, one of my favorite stationers – and mama of two boys! – Lisa from Good on Paper is sharing some thoughts about motherhood! –Nole

Hi guys! While Nole is out on maternity leave, she asked me to share something I love or found surprising about motherhood. Since Nole is soon to be a mother of two, I thought I would share a few stories and tips about being “Mama” to my two boys, (Lucas, 4, and Theo, 2), and in particular, preparing the older sibling for the newest member of the family. – Lisa from Good on Paper

One thing that surprised me about motherhood was how much emotional energy is involved (in addition to the physical demands of chasing two boys around). From the fun and silly moments to the complete meltdowns for no apparent reason, motherhood has been rewarding, but exhausting. There are so many good days and a fair number of not-so-good, but I try to remember that the difficult phases will pass. Rather than focus on the negative, I’ve found that the important thing is to cherish every moment, take lots of pictures, and write down all those delightful toddler phrases and “preschooler-isms” for posterity. (Lucas recently observed, after sending a Hot Wheel car off a ramp, “Whoa! That one was extra does it!”)

A few things that worked for us to prepare Lucas for Baby Theo:

1. Refer to the baby-to-be as “your baby brother/sister,” rather than “my baby” or “our (the parents’) baby.” This seemed to resonate with Lucas, and he felt very special and proud to be such an important figure  in Theo’s life.

2. Invest in some “older sibling primer” books.  I bought three books for Lucas about being a big brother, and his favorite by far was “I’m a New Big Brother” by Nora Gaydos.  The illustrations in particular seemed to help him understand what to expect from his new baby brother, and how he could help Mama and Daddy out in this new family adventure.

3. Get a “trainer baby.”  I bought Lucas this adorable baby brother doll that (as far as we knew) might resemble the real baby Theo. Lucas carried him around gently (only occasionally tossing him across the floor), and always referred to him as “baby brother.”

4.     Buy the older kid a “birth-day” present.  At the hospital, we made it a point to get a gift for Lucas that was “from his baby brother.” We got him a new backpack, a book, and a toy fire engine. To this day, he remembers that Theo gave him those things.

Now that Theo has been around for a couple of years, I’ve also learned a few things that have helped our boys start their lifelong friendship on a positive note. So far so good.

1. Make the older kid feel extra special. We give lots of praise to Lucas for being a great helper, a kind and sweet big brother, and a teacher to his little brother. Theo copies everything Lucas does. And I mean everything, both good and bad. Lucas hides in the laundry hamper; Theo does, too. Lucas takes off his shirt; Theo does, too. Lucas holds hands; Theo does, too. Lucas throws sand; Theo does, too. We are always telling Lucas how much Theo loves him, appreciates him, and wants to do everything just like him. I think, for the most part, this builds Lucas’ self-esteem and encourages more good behavior than bad. Lucas always wants to hold his brother’s hand and take care of him when we leave the house, which has been incredibly sweet to watch.

2. Make one-on-one time with each kid. My husband Nick and I like to use the “divide and conquer” parenting tactic on a regular basis. We do a lot of things as a family, but we also find that taking one-on-one adventures is rewarding in its own way. I’ll take Lucas to swim lessons, breakfast, play dates, etc., while Nick stays home with Theo during his nap (aka “nap jail”), then takes him to the park or on a hike. I realized just how much these one-on-one dates mean to Lucas when he said in the car one day, “Mama, I really like it when we do things just me and you. No one else. Just me and you.”

3. Reward good behavior. Whenever I see the boys playing nicely together, I make sure to give them lots of praise. One of the best toddler books I’ve read is “The Happiest Toddler on the Block” by Harvey Karp, M.D. The methods in this book worked well with both kids, and it has been a life saver. One little trick I’ve  learned is “gossiping,” i.e. praising a child’s behavior to a third party, within earshot of the child, but pretending you don’t want the child to hear. It’s a fun little game, and it seems to make the praise more effective. For example, I’ll say to my husband (in an audible whisper):  “Hey Nick, look how sweet Lucas is, holding Theo’s hand and making sure he gets down the stairs safely. I love that!” Or, “Hey Nick, I loved seeing Lucas and Theo taking turns with their toys today. It made me feel so happy.” Or, “Did you see how Theo gave Lucas his car when he was done with it? He probably learned that from Lucas!”

It’s been such a treat for me to watch my two boys interact and grow together.  Of course, they don’t always agree on things (especially whose turn it is with the cool new toy), but I love how proud Lucas is of his baby brother; how he always says Theo is the cutest baby brother in the whole world;  how he introduces all of his friends to his baby brother;  how he holds his hand, kisses him, and pats his head; and how he teaches him to say new words (good, bad, and invented).  I honestly didn’t know what to expect when Theo was born, but I couldn’t be happier about the great big brother Lucas has become.

I’ve asked some of my favorite creative mamas to help out while I’m away with our new baby. Today we get a look behind the scenes at a day in the life of one of my favorite retailers – and mama of a sweet little boy – Erin Austen Abbott of Amelia! –Nole

4:30 AM

My day starts really early…. I wake up and sort of take it in. It’s the only “me” time in my whole day. I might just sip on my coffee and watch a little TV, go for a jog or answer emails that came in over night. Sometimes, I just get on Pinterest and get lost for an hour. Lately I’ve been working on a writing project each morning, which has been productive. Whatever the case may be, I try to make it relaxing.

5:30 AM

My son, Tom Otis, begins to stir. I let him talk to himself for a bit and really be ready to get up. We all have our different ways of waking up and his is a slow start. I can hear him talking to his favorite stuffed animals, saying good morning and random words sound out through the babble; school, park, venture.I make his breakfast before going in to get him because he is READY to eat first thing out of bed. We sit together while he eats and talk about what he dreamt about or what the day might entail. We watch for birds out of the kitchen window and enjoy the stillness of the morning together.

6:00 AM – 7:30 AM

Tom goes to Montessori school, so we usually play a bit before getting dressed. We read books, stack blocks, color…. all the sorts of things a toddler loves to do. Lately, we are on a big hide-and-go-seek kick. We play it several times a day. We are packed up and ready to hit the road by 7:30.

7:30- 8:25 AM

The drive to school takes awhile, as we live a town over from the school. Tom usually gets a little snack in the car and we listen to the radio, signing along to whatever SIRUS XMU plays. We look for animals, like deer or wild turkeys and big trucks on our drive. Tom usually spots the trucks from pretty far away (he’s all boy). Waiting to go into school, Tom gets in the front seat with me and we cuddle a bit while watching the PBS app on my phone. What is it about Curious George?? Saying goodbyes. Not the easiest part for me, but I know he’s getting such a great education and I do have to get to work after all. I wish I could be with him more, but I do love what I do. I feel torn about this all the time…

8:35 – 10:00 AM

Starting work before the shop opens. I treat this like office hours. I grab a coffee from Oxford Canteen, the restaurant attached to the building Amelia is in, then start in on my writing deadlines, I get my next rounds of designs ready for Otis & Co or the Amelia brand leather bag collection. I contact Amelia Pop Up Party representatives about their parties and upcoming news, I respond to emails, I work on orders, I frame photos if I have a show coming up, etc…. A lot gets packed into that hour and a half.

10:00 AM

Open for business!! Amelia opened five years ago and I’ve been working behind the counter ever since. When Tom was born, I started getting a little help, but I’m still here, 10-2PM each day. When there aren’t customers in the shop, I continue working on my various projects and do all the store ordering and package up the daily online orders.

2:00 PM – 4:00 PM

My employee, Shelby gets to work and I run to mail the online orders. I like to get them out as fast as they come in. I can’t handle that weighing me down, so I stop by the post office each day. Then I head to pick up Tom and his friend Josie, that I care for each afternoon, after school. We might head to the park or to the local children’s book store, Square Books jr. just depends day to day.

4:00 – 5:45PM

The drive home. Tom is usually spent from the day, so he just plays with a small toy in his seat and we take the scenic route home. Once home, Tom and my husband hang out and Tom usually gets his second wind since his fun daddy is there to play. They might build a fort or play more hide-and-go-seek or watch Curious George. Sometime they go for a walk, while I make dinner for Tom.

5:45PM – 6:45PM

Toilet, bath time, more hide-and-go-seek, reading, prayers, night night. This is my favorite time of my whole day. It’s a solid hour where we can be focused solely on family time and laughing with Tom, reading to him while he bathes, telling jokes (he’s at the stage where he gets it), and just having genuine togetherness. After bath, we sing the same song, that I wrote, that I’ve always sung to all the kids I’ve nannied for (I started my first nanny job when I was ten, 28 years ago and didn’t stop until I was 7 months pregnant with Tom).

“This is the way we brush our teeth.

Brush our teeth. Brush our teeth.

This is the way we brush our teeth.

Every single day.

We brush them to the left.

We brush them to the right.

We brush them up.

We brush them down.

We brush them all around.

Hey!

This is the way we brush our teeth.

Brush our teeth. Brush our teeth.

This is the way we brush our teeth.

Every. Single. Day. Hey!”

Afterwards, Sean and Tom hide. I find them. I hide. They find me, followed by getting Tom into his pj’s. He picks out a book to read, we cuddle up together, read then say prayers. I get him as “snug as a bug in a rug”, turn out the lights, close the door. We get “I love you mommy, I love you daddy”, through the closed door for about a minute before he’s already close to being fully sleep.

6:45- 9:00 PM

The full day is winding down and I now start making dinner for Sean and myself. I’m so tired by this time, so we usually just eat around 7:30, while watching a movie or TV show. By 9:00, I can’t stay awake much later, so I head to bed. I try really hard to get all my work done early in the day so that from 5:30 until 9:00, I can be fully tuned into family life. Of course, that’s not always feasible, but something I’m certainly aware of and make an effort to do.

Thanks for following along in my day to day. It is busy but I wouldn’t change a thing. I love my job and creative freedom. And most of all, I love savoring time with my son. He gets to see both of his parents doing what they love and I think that’s really important. We should all love what we do for a living, right?