Guest Post: One and Done from Susan of Fleurishing

I’ve asked some of my favorite creative mamas to help out while I’m adjusting to life with our new baby. Today, Susan from Fleurishing is sharing some thoughts as a mother of twins (!!) – thanks Susan! –Nole


We’ve all heard the phrase, “one and done”… and in our case, it’s true (in an alternate sense-one pregnancy, two babies). No more mini-me’s for us – we’re so very fortunate to have twins. There are quite a few reasons why we chose to officially end our baby making days, and I’m sharing them here in the hope that it might help others with their choice. It is an incredibly personal decision of course, and not one that is easily reached. I want to be very clear – I do not pass judgement on anyone who chooses to have less, more, or no children. My best friend has four beautiful little ones, and I have a few close girlfriends who have no desire to become mothers. To each his own, but our journey begins (and ends) with Marie + Henry.

Childhood experience certainly plays a role for most when deciding what size family you would like. In our case, I was an only child (and loved it), and would have been more than happy with one. For my husband, growing up with a sibling was a wonderful experience, and he always had two in mind. When we learned we were expecting twins, we knew regardless of gender this would most likely be it for us. It’s funny – we had never heard the phrase “a rich man’s family” until sharing we were having a boy and a girl. It seems many consider it to be the perfect scenario, and in turn, automatically assume we’re done. On the other hand, we’ve had quite a few people (including our pediatrician) encourage us to have more simply because we “make beautiful babies.” I find this to be flattering and offensive at the same time! I’ve realized that people view our personal situation through their own lens and don’t realize that what they’re saying can be perceived as rude and intrusive. The thought of another in addition to twins gives me a panic attack just thinking about it!

My pregnancy was very difficult and even traumatic, at times. Obviously difficult pregnancies can happen to anyone, and the definition of “difficult” is relative. For me, difficult meant infections, catheterization for weeks, extreme swelling and pain, high blood pressure, preeclampsia, and a very rough recovery due to blood loss. I learned early on that having a high-risk pregnancy was no joke, and it pushes your body to its limits. You see twice the amount of doctors and get poked, prodded, and scanned more than most. On a positive note – we were so lucky to have numerous ultrasounds and see them grow along the way. I still find it hard to believe that my friends with singles only saw their babies a few times before giving birth! I’m still in awe of what my body achieved, and don’t even know how it would fare a second time around.

I haven’t yet mentioned the economics of having multiples. Let’s talk statistics for a second. The average cost of ONE child in the U.S. for a middle-income family, from birth to age 18, is currently $241,080. That doesn’t even include the cost of college! Take that number and double it in our case…yowza. There are many other financial factors, such as breastfeeding for two vs. formula (which is a whole other post), double the baby gear (although not two of everything), the cost of help (crucial in the early days with multiples), and accomodations for an instantly larger family (suddenly our house seemed a LOT smaller). It is staggering, and scary at times, especially when twins were not even on our radar. At times we laugh and are thankful for only having one girl, and one wedding, to pay for…and maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll elope.

All of the above contributed to our decision, and we took our time making it (over a year). We continually confirmed with each other that we were 100% sure before moving forward. At this point, we’re both confident and focused, enjoying every moment with the kids. I may call them babies for much longer than most, but that’s cool, right?! They will of course, always be my babies.

If you care to share your story, how did you know when you were “done”, are you unsure, or are you planning to add to your family? What were or are the deciding factors for your family?

  1. I have boy/girl twins that just turned 2. I can relate, we feel the same way. My ob commented that many first time moms of twins are one and done. After my pregnancy, and the early days of 2 newborns, I have so much respect for women who have second (or more) pregnancies. Regardless of if their first is a single or multiples. I was blessed with twins, as I think signing up for pregnancy when you’ve been through it before is amazing.

    • We’re in the same boat Joanna…2 year old boy/girl twins! Aren’t we lucky. Yes, much respect to those who sign up for another pregnancy! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  2. Hi, Susan. Thank you for this thoughtful post. We had surprise twins as well (we found out right at twenty weeks), and I appreciated your thoughts because I have never known how to answer the question about whether we’ll have more. I’m envious that you arrived at a clear answer and keep hoping that one will appear to me and my husband. My girls are now 4.5, so the decision feels like it’s becoming somewhat urgent. My feeling has always been: as long as we are at capacity, we should keep waiting. And our hands have never not felt wonderfully full. It helps to hear other mommies talk about this, though. Thank you!

    • Hi Laura, thank you for your thoughts, and I’m happy to hear you appreciate the discussion. We both have our hands beautifully full, absolutely! For me, I knew instantly when we found out we were having twins…in fact, I wanted to have my tubes tied during the c-section, but my doctor talked me out of it. I still wish I had followed my gut, as my husband and I were on the same page. He ended up having a (successful and pretty easy) vasectomy earlier this year. If your gut isn’t giving you a clear answer, then it’s best to wait…you will know when the time is right for your family. xo

  3. I loved this Susan – so honest and encouraging. This may sound strange from someone who only knows you mainly through your blog and our lovely Angie, and from one who does not have children {yet?} – I think that often we (women) tend to look at others, particularly online and only SEE rather than use our mind’s eye and imagine what their life may actually entail. First being human for goodness sake and then a mother of twins, life surely has had it’s “moments”for you. Yet if I (we) only look, you could appear a simply beautiful woman with the “perfect” life – her own flourishing business (pun intended), two breathtakingly beautiful children, a wonderful marriage, a gorgeous home, impeccable style – the list goes on. The truth is I could go on Angie’s social media pages and see perfection – anyone’s really, and no doubt someone has thought only the good of my life from the internet. It is so wonderfully refreshing when one shares the real stuff and puts a human reality to the sparkle of internet worthy photos. Your piece here really accomplished that. I do however reserve the right to continue a healthy envy of both you and Angie for your style and taste – and let’s face it, your children are stunning and I can’t even begin to express my feelings about your house – particularly your office Well done.

    • Wow, thank you so much Lauren…that is exactly what I set out to do. While I enjoy sharing the most beautiful moments in our life, it is filled with trials + tribulations just like anyone else’s. I strive to talk about and show that, as much as possible. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment, it truly means so much to me. (and we both have girl crushes on Angie). xo

  4. I have four kids from ages 6 down to 1 (and one miscarried baby) and one thing I’ve learned along the way is that your hands are full no matter how many kids you have. After each baby I have said “no more!” But looking back I can’t imagine our lives without #2, 3, or 4. And I do NOT have easy pregnancies and my first delivery was traumatic. At this point I feel so maxed out but tomorrow is another day and we may change our minds. We’ve decided that we want to play things by ear and take surprises as they come so we can honestly say we have no idea how many children we will have. Enjoy your babies!! I’ve secretly been hoping we have twin boys down the road to even out the score around here 😃

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